Leggings

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Let’s start with the shocking news all women should know despite not being fashion bloggers: leggings and yoga pants are not pants.

They are not fashionable (we wore them in the 80’s and called it fuseaux, remember?). They are not sexy and dramatically show off your leg and ass flaws unless you’re Jennifer Lopez.

If you really have the perfect butt like in the photo above (check the photo twice, to be really and deeply secure) certainly any dress, medieval tunic, no-brand jeans will make you more attractive and sexy than a pair of leggings, trust me.

For those who do not know, I stay 4/6 hours a day in a yoga studio, so for 4/6 hours a day I wear them. I admit they are comfortable and after a while you “get used to the eye” and for a fraction of a second you think you have a nice ass, but it’s definitely an optical illusion created by cross-seams and unlikely fantasies from the Lululemon yoga pants.

But remember: You, I, We are not Jennifer.

I also admit, sometimes, overwhelmed by laziness and hunger, I leave the Yoga studio and go to eat something with the leggings on; usually in a vegan bar full of leggings. And never, ever once did I think:

“For God sake I’m standing in a room full of sexy women.”

To quote Osho, “the moment you accept yourself you become beautiful”. Here, perhaps the world is changing, people have begun to accept themselves and are becoming beautiful because lately I see only skinny leggings.

Damn Osho.

After this preamble we come to the topic I have in my heart, so important to postpone-post Bali holidays: the relationship between leggings and the United States of America from an Italian woman (who lives in Hong Kong) point of view.

In the laudable state of Montana, Republican Governor David Moore has made a bill-banishing the use of all clothes that “simulate” parts of the body (Quote Time):

 “…gives the appearance or simulates a person’s buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple.”

The law explicitly states that wearing skin tight clothes “like yoga pants” in an inappropriate place (or anywhere except at the gym) is to be considered indecent and against the law. It absurd to think about but after the third fine you can go to jail for five years. I can’t stop thinking of myself and my vegan bar friends in prison, specifically wearing Lululemon yoga pants, but in prison. Om Om Om.

Pics of me in Montana, with my wonderful Lululemons in red fire color. If you look at them for 5 minutes, you will see a 3D dinosaur

Now let’s move to the south-west coast, in sunny and beautiful California.

Here, everyone is free to wear leggings, to go shopping, at the beach, take the kids to school, probably even at Sunday Mass. There is nothing indecent about going around in yoga pants. Provided you undergo a small surgery.

In fact, here women to look more sexy in their leggings and to avoid that little inconvenience they call “camel toe”, they undergo surgery to have their large vagina lips surgically reduced.  (Quote New York Post)

Let’s take a closer look: camel toe is Anglo-American slang that identifies the visibility of human vulva through clothing. I would add that this happens if you buy a pair of leggings one size less than you should, otherwise the vulva stays in place, even if you do the splits.

But we are in 2017, we live in the Selfie Era, the common sense we lost at least a decade ago, since skin tight leggings are now fashionable, and then to go under the scalpel!

I wonder, if God made us with such a big vagina if it is because we need the labia to be big! They are normal-big, natural-big, sexy-big just as they are.

So my friends, have a deep look, if you find some nice women with leggings that looks flat and asexual where it should not be, remember, she is not Barbie but a modern Californian girl.

3 comments

  1. Great post. Slightly offtopic, I am in the midst of getting my girlfriend a steamy present and I am thinking along the lines of lingerie. I am currently looking at Peaches and Screams (peachesandscreams.co.uk) and was wondering whether anyone has any experience with this online lingerie shop? What would you guys recommend I get my girlfriend? The last thing I want to do is offend her so I am looking for sensible lingerie suggestions – nothing too extreme. Thank you in advance!

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