“Good morning, ma’am, how many people?”
“I am alone.”
“It’s okay this table in the corner?”
I look around. The restaurant is full, all small tables are occupied by lonely people who eat watching the phone. All except the one next to me. There’s sitting a man in his forties looking at my ass. He does not look away even when I stare at him impatiently. In fact, he smiles at me and asks me kindly, I correct myself, he asks my ass with kindness:
“Do you want to keep me company? I do not like eating alone.”
“Oh my God, oh my God! I am the sociological experiment of someone else!” I think with joy, “Will I end up in this guy’s blog like the stiff girl that eats alone and looks at the smartphone or like the nice Italian girl who chatters amiably with a stranger?”
“Why not, I’ll gladly keep you company!” I hear myself respond with happiness.
He smiles at me, on the contrary, he smiles at my ass and tells it: “Wonderful!”
Fortunately, the maid moves, so I can rotate my body 45 degrees and lay the guest on the chair in front of my host.
“You know, I just arrived in Hong Kong and I still do not know anyone other than my two colleagues. My name is Maurice.”
Maurice has a fascinating history as well as many people who I meet away from home. I’ll tell you how I remember it, because I confess that I was not just taking notes during lunch. A native of Jordan with a Muslim father and an Orthodox mother, he lived all his childhood and adolescence in his homeland. One fine day, tired of the religious pressure and the mental closure of his country, he decided to move to one of the most open, free and welcoming countries in the world, Canada. Here he founded his small I-tech company that growing exponentially in the last ten years has led him to work closely with finance, hence the move to Hong Kong. Here he has a couple of friends, no wife and family. He lives in a small apartment in Admiralty and he immediately understood that given the prices it is better to eat outside rather than to do the shopping and cooking, that the city is extremely small and that making friends here is not easy.
Chit chatting we arrive at the topic of women. Asian women are easy, there’s nothing to do. Finding yourself here for a single man is like moving to Disneyland for a child. I have often reflected on the opposite version of the coin: how hard it must be to find yourself here if you are a single woman! In order to maintain oneself, one must have a certain salary and consequently a suitable job, so it goes without saying that expat women in Hong Kong are not anything but stupid. Now, excluding the Asian men, that usually does not meet our tastes, what remains are married men (who for sure, often make themselves available but it takes a certain awareness of what kind of story you are going to outline to your horizon) or those who dive from one Chinese panties to another thinking that they are great seducers. Poor us!
Single men here have fun, all of them but poor Maurice…
“I do not like Asian women, they are too skinny, without curves and a little geese. I like Mediterranean beauty, a nice full and firm ass!”
Ah Maurice sunshine, I had noticed that you like asses!
“I am a simple man, I like food and good wine, a nice evening with a beautiful woman who likes to eat, laughs and has sex. I do not like women who do not eat anything!”
I look at my plate, slowly spread the pieces of bamboo covered with flax and sunflower seeds just to make him understand that I do not eat either.
“And then they are cold and stiff. Not like us. We are Mediterranean. We have an extra gear, we are passionate! Watch! A beautiful Italian woman with that smile and curves! And then yoga, you’ll be flexible too!”
But I wonder, I always look stiff and cold to all people, just this little man, with glasses, the dandruff on the shoulders and the yellowish teeth must think I am a tiger slut? But where the hell is Patrick Dempsey when he’s needed?
My friend Tati’s words echo in my ears:
“Careful Mole that sooner or later with this history of the sociological experiment someone makes you a staple!”
But my dear Maurice, I carry around this cumbersome ass for years, you aren’t the first who tries to make me a staple.
“Maurice sunshine, was really a great and intellectually stimulating lunch, but I have to go!”
“Will you give me your number? So you can send me the websites for the food delivery. You will be my first friend in Hong Kong.”
“Sure I will! But, give me your phone’s number, it’s easy, for the websites. I’ll send them to you tonight. “
“All right, here’s my number 227X3YZ009. Can I kiss you?”
“Don’t even think about Maurice, but you can offer me lunch. Sorry now I really have to run away”.
And Maurice sunshine, a little advice straight from a Mediterranean woman who likes wine, food, laughing, sex and yoga, throw yourself a bit into some Chinese panties if you don’t want to find yourself alone, forever.